I Want to Wake Up Where You Are.

A poem to no one in particular:


I want to wake up where you are,

Beneath shared sheets and borrowed blankets,

On pillows of the roughest linens

or the softest downs.


I want to wake up where you are,

When dawn spills its light through cracked curtains

And stirs us awake.


I want to wake up where you are.

Your locks of hair, covering my face

Your perfumes enveloping me

like early morning mist over the ground.


I want to wake up where you are,

wherever that is — what troubles we face

What horrors may come, what happiness

And bliss.


I want to wake up where you are.


Page out of, “A Dance Through Time.”

Page out of, “A Dance Through Time.”

Here’s a selection from, “A Dance Through Time,” to whet your appetite. Coming out soon. Can you tell what’s going on in this scene? If so, please feel free to leave a comment.



Heather tumbled through the white door and out of the great awning — sliding to a stop face first in the grime and muck of the rain soaked earth: the scent of torn grass assaulting her, as the blades found their way up her nostrils. As soon as she came to a stop, she sprang to her feet, and pivoted on her heel — charging forward to barrel her through the sturdy door, and find herself within the warm embrace of the awning’s atmosphere. To hear the lilt of the harp’s strum, and the song of the violin’s strings brushing against the bow.

Her shoulder found no purchase on sturdy oak or ash, and she tumbled forward onto the ground once more. No awning stood, instead there was only the grey of dawn peeking through the nearest horizon. Where was it? Where was she? Her eyes darted through the grey morning light, finding no answer to either of those questions.

All around her were grey, almost white mushroom — about two score, maybe more, arranged in a perfect circle around a portion of grass: laid low as if trampled by many feet. She spun in place: maybe she missed it? Maybe it was thinner than it seemed. No, no, no no no no. There was nothing but the rolling Welsh countryside, and the strange circle. There was no going back — no going back to the frivolity of the dance. No going back to the sweetest fruits and wines that she had ever partook of. No going back to the softest meat she had ever chewed, that melted in your mouth like it was made of snow. No…there was only the dull-drum of reality waiting for her.

It must have been a dream. She looked around, it must have been. A quick glance down told her that she no longer wore that violet dress, sewn of wild heather, and instead wore her muck stained, and sheep smelling gown. She patted her side, and sure enough she felt the heft of the metal sheathe of the dirk that her father had given her yesterday. So it was all a dream? Maybe she passed out after her jaunt through the countryside and imagined the whole thing. Her soaked and dirty clothes confirmed that for her. She’s had vivid dreams before — usually when she was in the throes of some awful fever, but this would have all of them beat. It must have been one of those.

Her hand wandered to her neck, and brushed against the cold metal of the chain. She grabbed at it again and pulled, and pulled and pulled, until the golden clasps on the back dug in to the bare skin on the back of her neck, and blood trickled down the small of her back. She looked around once more: where was she? Home? An uneasy wind blew past, and she shivered. Was it always this cold in May?

There was a hill on the opposite side of the circle: that must have been where she tumbled down into it…into wherever she was. The dawn was rising behind her as she set off over the hill.

Getting up was tough: the leather soles on her feet found no purchase on the slick grass, and four times she tumbled down the steep slope, before she gave up whatever dignity she still held and dropped to her knees, and dug her fingers into the muck to pull herself to the top of the hill. As she crest it, a roar of some great beast broke through the silence and bird song, and she looked overhead: a giant tin bird glided above her: several hundred meters above her head, far higher than anything of that size had a right to be. The sky screamed in the distance, and she covered her ears.

Heather stayed perfectly still until it was but a black dot in the horizon, before moving forward again. It was followed by a couple others, which she hid from by ducking into the tall grass around her and burying her face in the mud. What else would a beast of that size — a great dragon, a great eagle, eat besides man? The ground shook, and she stayed down for hours, quaking in the mud. She stayed there until it was safe: until the roaring stopped, and a birds — fewer than they were before, flew back over her and disappeared in the eastern horizon.

Dawn had passed by the time she found the courage to move once more, and the yellow sun was well on its way to the southern sky, or at least she thought. It could have been the northern sky, or the western…or maybe this land didn’t have simple concepts like, ‘east and west.’ Where was she to go? There was only one place that she could go — forward to lord knows where.

Perfection: The Enemy of Good.

Perfection: The Enemy of Good.

Hello there fellow creative person! Are you like me? Do you look over the work you’ve done? The countless hours toiled away — the brainpower depleted until you’re left a quivering husk at the end of every creative stint you pull? Do you look over the thing you’ve just made, that object of your unyielding attention and just think:

“Did I really make this? It’s good. I’m proud of this thing that I’ve dedicated a significant amount of my time on these last few days.”

No? Neither do I. If you’re like me, and, from what I’ve seen on a variety of social media platforms, a lot of other like minded creative people you’re more likely to sigh deeply to yourself and notice every single flaw that you made, and hate your own art.

An artist? Oh, look, that line is slightly off from where it’s supposed to be. The entire piece is ruined. A writer? Oh look, you’ve used the same word twice on that page, you hack. A sculptor? Ah, you messed up on that left nipple there. Good job. You fraud. Painter? Potter? Artisan of any stripe? I’m sure you’ve felt this sudden strong urge of impostor syndrome at least once this month, if not more. Am I right? Of course I am.

Why is that? Why do we never like what we’ve created, despite giving it our best effort, and our most eager attention? Is there a reason? Societal? Psychological? Well, I have a few theories.

First, is because of the societal pressure to be perfect that we’re brought up in. Fail a test? Line up against the wall and watch all of them smarter kids play kickball at you. No, we won’t show you what you’ve done wrong, you’re just supposed to feel bad about being wrong. Didn’t turn in your homework? Same thing. Don’t understand something? Keep your head down, or you’ll be the laughing stalk of the entire classroom.

These instance will, overtime, build up a mind that’s not used to failure. Even balks at it. But that’s the thing. To err is human. It is the most fundamental aspect of humanity that we all share. None of us are perfect. And the last one that was reportedly perfect we went and made the mistake of nailing him to a pair of logs. And that’s a good thing. Nobody likes to fail — that would be true in a society that didn’t expect perfection at every turn, as well. And because of that, every failure should become a learning opportunity.

Edison is quoted as saying, “I have not failed. I’ve just found 10,000 ways that won’t work.” And that’s a world-view we should live by, too. Doing, after-all, is the best way of learning. And failure always comes with the doing. Perfection is, and always will be unreachable, embrace the small failures and strive for perfection, sure, but you’ll never reach there. Perfection, afterall, is the enemy of good. And good is good enough.

The Siren of Central Park, Chapter 1:

The Siren of Central Park, Chapter 1:

Gagging is a visceral response: something that one’s body does automatically, without any conscious input. A type of reaction on the same level as tearing up when dust blows into your eyes, or yanking away your hand when touching a hot skillet. It is the simultaneous feeling of your throat closing up, and your stomach trying to escape through it. It can be triggered by many things: the smell of rotting meat wafting through the air, the sight of something so horrific you’d rather not see it. The taste of something truly detestable on your tongue, or the feeling of something awful crawling on your skin. Hearing something that you never wanted to hear could also cause that reaction.

Caleb woke up gagging that early December morning. The cold winter wind whistled through the thin cracks in my window underneath the moth eaten sheet hung up as a curtain. He put his hand over his nose and pushed himself off the old mattress, laid over the old metal frame of a bed. Each movement sending reverberating creaks to the springs below. He tried to be as slow as possible — the downstairs neighbors had already complained about the sound he made sometimes during the night when he spent them working on something or another.

He stepped tenderly on the wooden floor, as to not illicit the familiar groan it made from the rotting foundations: pressed against leaky pipes, and headed towards the window, hand still firmly planted over his nose. Over the months, he had grown confident in his ability to navigate the darkness of his room, and with confidence, he strode forwards…slamming his shin into the cast iron leg of the old bed. It scraped against the wooden floorboards, and bounced with the sudden jolt.

Pain shot up his leg, and he bit the inside of his cheek to stop the curses welling up at the tip of his tongue, and waited for the springs to stop shaking to see if his neighbors downstairs awoke from the noise. No movement from them: none of their usual knocks on the ceiling when he had done something to wake them, so he continued on his way to the window.

Quietly, he moved across the wooden floor, and quickly he pulled aside the moth eaten sheet, and peered down into the street below. A smattering of snow hugged the grown in thin banks as far as his eyes could see. Cars rushed past, and the night still hummed with activity. What time was it? The moon was hidden beneath a thick veil of vomit colored light, pouring out of every orifice of this damned city. How long had it been since he’d seen a star?

Sure enough, leaning against the red brick wall of his apartment, two stories down was a man. He was a lot better dressed than the normal person who did the same, and he smelled a lot more of expensive alcohols. He hummed along out of tune with the bass music of the club down the street as a yellow puddle formed in the well worn snow below him.

A few seconds after the curtain snapped open, the man glanced up to him. Caleb wasn’t able to make out the words he shouted that came through the thin glass layer as muffled yells towards him. The man tossed up a middle finger, a gesture that Caleb was more than willing to reciprocate. At that, the man bent down to pick up a handful of yellow snow, packed it tightly and threw it with all of his might at the window. The snow smacked against the window, and the stone tucked inside splintered the glass.

He was able to hop backwards as soon as he heard the grass cracking, and dodge all of the glass that had come flying inward. Caleb sucked in the freezing air now flooding into the room, and tip toed around the glass. The man had pulled up his pants by the time that he was able to peek out again, and had a noticeable wet stain in the front of his already dark jeans, and was stumbling back towards the club, a string of curses hanging on the air.

“Yeah, fuck you too, buddy.” Caleb yelled out the window, the man didn’t seem to notice.

He gagged for the second time that morning, as he felt something wet and cold squish beneath his toes, and hopped backwards. The floor creaked beneath his feet, causing him to pause once more. They still didn’t stir.

The air inside of his cramped apartment quickly got cold, and the smell of fresh urine was quickly becoming overwhelming, even through his hand. He had to get out of the apartment: at least until he could tell his landlord about this and, hopefully, get a replacement for his window, or, at the very least, pick up some cardboard and duct tape from a hardware store. There was no way to he would be able to make it through the last few hours of the night through the smell.

His closet was across the room, so he stealthily made his way across it, making a wide arc around the metal frame of the bed, stepping as gingerly as he could on his tip toes. Now, he wouldn’t make a single sound as he slid across the floor, as softly as a mouse darting through shadows.

Through the darkness he deftly made his way across the room, step by quiet step, he’d not make a sound this time…not a single one. Or so he thought, before the same shin rammed into the leg of the baby grand piano that sat on an elevated platform across the room from his bed. Once more he muffled a curse on his lips as the strings inside sang their harsh vibrato from the shaking of the case. The lid of the piano crashed down shortly after: a dull thud rang out throughout the cramped apartment. Before he even had a chance to mutter another string of curses, the nearly empty liquor bottle that rested near the edge of the wooden case fell over on its side and rolled towards him, like the percussive rolling of a snare drum, ending in a loud cymbal crash of broken glass at his feet. Underneath the shimmering shards of glass, and beneath the brown alcohol was a sheet of paper: five bold lines printed on it, with three nights worth of work running off the pages in black streaks. He sighed.

Three loud knocks resonated from underneath his feet: his downstairs neighbors were definitely awake now, and he would no doubt get an earful from his landlord whenever he woke up and made his way down here, he hoped that he wouldn’t be kicked out: shitty as they were, these were still the most affordable apartments within the city, and he couldn’t afford to just pick up and move out.

The time for silence has passed, as the sound of his neighbor’s angry shouts came from below.

“Sorry.” Was the only thing that he could respond with, shouting down through a hole in the floor.

“Shit head!” They shouted up back at him.

Caleb hurried his way across the wooden floor, and flipped on the light switch. The sole incandescent light-bulb, swinging from the breeze, blowing in through his shattered window. As the orange-yellow light flooded the room thousands of tiny legs scurried for the safety of shadow, and he felt himself gag for the third time that morning.

He hurriedly threw on some clothes: a pair of denim jeans, a long sleeved undershirt, and a hooded sweatshirt. Along with two pairs of socks, and a solid pair of sneakers, and he was good to go. He had never left the apartment quicker than he did that day — it was almost a relief for the cold blast of air as he opened the locked door to the outside world, as it chased away the lingering, putrid aroma of fresh urine from his nostrils.

With no destination in mind, he wandered the streets, hands firmly placed in his pockets. He had such high hopes for himself when he first moved to New York: high hopes that were eventually shattered. Since his second year in Junior High he had always felt as if he were a big fish in a small pond, and had always looked down on the people in his hometown: and why not? He was better than them? He had scored the highest on all of his tests, he had been the star of the baseball and football teams, and he had already given several piano recitals to the town by the time he graduated highs school — some of them even paid venues! He was confident, some might say arrogant, but there was no doubt in his mind that he was the best that the town of Mavrin Kansas had to offer.

That still radiated throughout his mind, even as he was making his way down the snow covered streets, dodging the frequent homeless, and the occasional person leering at him through the corner of their eyes. A big fish in a small pond, that’s what he believed he was back then, now? Now he saw himself as a sardine in a cannery.

There was nothing that he liked about the city: the twinkling of the city’s lights — which he had once seen as a thousand diamonds ready for the taking, now kept him awake every night with their ceaseless glimmer. The stone streets seemed to scream modernity at him, bringing him out of the stone age of rural living. Now the hardness of every step bled into him. The towering skyscrapers and apartment complexes seemed like distant peaks to climb — distant heights to conquer, but now? Now they seemed to be megalithic mausoleums, burying the masses in human suffering. And the constant hum of the traffic passing in front of his apartment seemed to him, at the time, the chorus of human progress singing to him, now it was the droll hum of a death march.

There was nothing he liked about the city. Nothing. If he could, he’d leave, but he had given up everything to move here: everything. There was nothing waiting for him back home in Kansas. Even if there were, the money he got from whatever small jobs he could find to do around the city that allowed him ample time to write his music, and still earn some money for food, rent, and most importantly, alcohol.

What was the reason though? What further reason did he have for attempting to further his music career: when perspective venues find out that he didn’t go to some prestigious music school, let alone go to a college for music, they shut their doors on him. He missed his chance a decade ago, when he was offered a scholarship for a University in Kansas. He was better than that, or so he thought. Still, however, he held the belief in his music strong within his heart: it was good music, he just needed people to see that….but it was impossible.

Thousands — hundreds of thousands came to New York looking for a chance for just that: finding a career in the arts. How many prospective Broadway actors lived underneath bridges, or with six or seven people in cramped studio apartments? How many painters lived off the fumes of their acrylic and oil paints until they died of starvation? How many famous writers in waiting, how many composers? Countless. There was no room for him to shine. He was a sardine in a pool of sardines, without the temerity to become the shark he needed to be.

No longer did he dream: the alcohol normally robbed him of consciousness most evenings. On the rare occasions that he did, however, it was of rolling hills of grain, golden stalks of towering corn, and endless patches of grass. He never thought he’d miss those simple things, but every dream of home had those same scenes playing out in his mind like a silent film.

Wordlessly, he walked the streets, quietly cursing his fate. There was no escape for him. No way out of the city. No way back home. He was going to die here: surrounded by rats and cockroaches in a too small apartment with the putrid aroma of fresh urine surrounding him.

Mindlessly, he wandered the streets in quiet desperate search for his escape from the cold gray hell that he found himself in. Slowly and steadily, and with measured steps he crossed icy streets, still bustling with traffic. He hurried through seedy alleyways and detoured around avenues and boulevards with groups of people, and eventually found himself wandering between lines of planted and well maintained trees — his feet brushing through the withered, frozen grass beneath.

He passed by freezing pines, and wandered through well maintained gardens, until he found an empty bench, and brushed off a patch of the snow to sit down. Oh, how his frozen body ached, and how his clenched teeth chattered. He looked to the heaven, and the moon — in all of its waxing beauty, could finally be seen.

Only here….in Central Park was he able to find even the slightest semblance of peace. The only people who came by were couples looking for a hidden location to embrace one another in secret, the occasional vagabond, and the destitute. He supposed he fit into that last category. At that realization the sigh that escaped his lips floated to the heavens in white smoke.

He closed his eyes, and the sounds of the city nearly died out, and he could almost feel himself leave his body and return to easier times back in Kansas. He listened as the wind rushed through the frozen, bared branches of the trees around him, and shook the dying blades of grass free of snow as a few flakes lifted, and danced in a flurry around him.

As the sounds of the city faded, and his mind became one with the bleakness around him, he heard something, at the very edge of his hearing. The faintest whisper of a song.

Celine, Queen of Cats

Celine, Queen of Cats

Celine was queen of the cats. She held her head high wherever she went — be it the dark alleyways of the city, the lighted sidewalks that the humans traveled, or through the secret roads only known by cats. No fear swayed her — how sharp her fangs and claws, ready to bite and tear at any foolish enough to confront her. The fiercest Toms and the meanest Mollies were nothing compared to her, and shirked away when she flicked her tail down their alleys. She ate whatever she wanted — the freshest refuse thrown away by the wasteful humans, and hunted only when the fancy took her. Though she was queen, she held a love for most cats.

There was one type of cat, however, that she could not abide: those cats that required the help of a human to live. Humans were fickle things — mean and petty, and any cat worth their salt would do better without them, or so she had been told and raised by her mother to learn, and any cat that consorted with their kind was hardly a cat at all. A few naive humans had occasionally tried to run their coarse hands over her calico fur, but it wasn’t long before they found out that those weren’t there for show. She had never been touched by a human, and she intended to live the remainder of her life that way.

Proudly that summer evening — when the sun was blazing orange, she strolled down her favorite alleyway. It always had the best foods: warm pork and beef, chicken and fish. It was a smorgasbord for an alley cat, and it was all hers as the cats that had gathered there scattered away, like usual. A broken cardboard can of salt had fallen free as they did so, and she lapped up the few grains, and hopped onto the tin garbage pail.

Ah…her favorite. Raw pork, with a bit of sugar from a split paper bag on top. She tore into it, and ate. So immersed in the flavors and smells of everything around her that she didn’t take notice of the four pair of paw pads coming down her alleyway. And it wasn’t until she heard a rumbling growl that she turned her head, and perked her ears.

Two dogs: black with brown accents on their mouths and chest, and two pointed ears on the top of their head, and snarling teeth, as long as her legs, made their way to her. She raised her tail and hissed, shaking her body. It was a display of aggression that was enough to scare off any cat, but it was laughable to the approaching doberman. As they approached the garbage pail, she leapt off and backed away, hissing all the while. Behind her, a redbrick wall rose to the top of the sky. There was no secret road. No fence to scramble over. Nothing. She was stuck.

They approached, and her tail brushed against the brick wall. Cornered. Her heart thumped and the first snapped at her. She leapt back and struck out with her sharpened claw, cutting thin red ribbons across the dog’s face. It yelped and pulled backwards. The other snapped as well, but Celine was faster: her fangs sinking into it’s throat, the coppery liquid flowed down her throat like fresh water.

She clung desperately, as it shook it’s head to try to throw her off. Not for long, however, as the other one took hold of the back of her neck and clamped down. The warm August air left her lungs in a pained hiss. It was only by a lucky claw connecting to the dog’s eye that it let go, and threw her against the red wall.

Her body smacked the brick, and her body went limp. The dogs inched closer and closer, red stained teeth flashing as her consciousness faded. This was it. She’d die in this alley, and the dogs will eat her flesh, and the crows will get what’s left. Such was the way of life for street cat. How cruel.

Rubber met concrete before her eyes closed, and the sound of dull thuds and pained whimpers and snarls broke the rising silence in her ears. The two dogs ran from the alleyway, and left her limp body on the concrete: warmth spilling from the tears in her neck. Ah, how cold.

His hands pressed against a cloth, stymied the flow of blood. But it was too late. She opened her eyes — oh, how hard it was: a human man, brown hair, down to his forehead, and a brown beard encircling his face. A human had touched her. How disgusting. She tried to hiss, to warn him off but all that came out was a faint whisper.

“It’ll be alright, baby.” He said, as wind rushed the two of them.

Ah, but it was too late…her eyes closed and all she knew was darkness.

She awoke in a bright room, humans in white clothes surrounding her, pulling at her skin. She tried to scramble away, but her leg burst in pain: broken? A needle entered the back of her neck and a coolness rushed over her again, putting her to sleep. Next time she awoke in a metal cage, surrounded by darkness and other animals, pawing at the latches. Captured. By humans, no less. There was a bowl of water near her head, and it was only then that she realized how swollen her throat was with thirst. She lapped up the water, and then some, then curled up as far away from the opening as she could.

Morning came, and she was pulled free from her slumber. She tried to scratch at them, but she found her claws gone. She tried to bite at them, but they stuck a cone around her neck, and she couldn’t reach. They washed her with a cloth, and she never felt so clean: the only itching she felt was where the dogs had bitten, as if it had scabbed over already. But that was impossible. She wanted to scratch at it, to explore it, but the cone stopped her.

The human man who rescued her came later in the day and picked her up, and gave the human female a plastic card, and she gave him an orange bottle that rattled with every step. She tried to bite at him, but she couldn’t. He carried her in his arms for blocks, into a small, cramped apartment, and placed her on a pillow on the ground, covered by a warm blanket. She hated to admit it, but it was comfortable. The most comfortable thing she ever felt, but it wasn’t enough to sway her — she was going to escape. Or at least she thought. As soon as she stepped forward, her front paw burst in pain. Broken, definitely. There was a white plaster around it.

The human would try to scratch her, but a sharp hiss from her was usually enough to shoo him away from her pillow. She wanted to scramble for

Everyday the human would put out food: the freshest fish, and coldest pork she ever tasted. Sometimes it had some of the small stones in the orange bottles in with it. They were bitter tasting, but if she didn’t eat it, he’d force to dissolve in her mouth. That resulted in more than a few scars on his arms. After a week or so of the bitter stones, her stomach stopped hurting, and she no longer felt the constant hunger she had for years, and a little while after that her heart never felt like it was running too fast. The bitter stones only lasted a month or so, but the effects were permanent.

It took more than that to earn her trust, though. The cone came off in that month, but the cast on her leg stayed, and she still couldn’t run. Every night when she fell asleep she could feel him scratching the spot she could never quite reach behind her ears and pretend she’d be asleep until it lulled her to it.

Another month and the cast came off, but her leg was still tender. Instead of the pillow, now she had a bed: enclosed on all sides except the top. It blocked out the wind from his fan, so she took it. It was winter before the tenderness started, and she decided that she’d run away when the cold left, and the white left the earth. She’d enjoy this warmth while it lasted. She felt the best she had since she was a kit.

Every day she feasted on the best foods, and slept in comforting warmth. Halfway through the winter she took to crawling in bed next to the human. No more would she bite at him. And her claws were gone. She wouldn’t be royalty anymore when she left, but at least she’d be free. He was warm, her rescuer, and she came to enjoy curling up in his lap whenever he’d sit and read, or watch the moving pictures.

The next winter came, and then the next. She saw him while he was angry, she saw him when he was sad. She saw him when he got the news that his mother had passed, and comforted him. She grew to love him, more than she loved any cat. More than she loved herself. She was with him when he brought other humans home, and with him when he made smaller ones and moved to a bigger house. She watched his family grow, and soon the scars on her neck were a reminder of when she was foolish.

Now the smaller humans were larger, and the kind young man who had taken her in and saved her life had strands of gray in his hair, and yet she loved him. How much better of a life was this? She curled up to him as he sit beside a blazing fire. Oh, the warmth and love she experience. The fullness of a life not spent scraping over garbage pails. She smiled…and awoke no more.

First Page of Valk’s End.

First Page of Valk’s End.

Valk’s End will be the next book I release on Amazon, in a little over two weeks. Here is a sneak peak at it, though it’s just a peak I hope you enjoy!



The green grass bowed to the wind as it blew northward over the knoll where the couple lay, side by side. It swept over the crest, carrying with it the aroma of wildflowers — daffodils, lilacs and other early spring blooming flowers, and into the Valkenweald below the other side, rustling the branches and shaking off the newly growing leaves of the oak and sycamores that lay at the treeline, and rattling the limbs like bones. The chill of winter still held in the air, but the sun beat down in warm golden rays, that embraced the two like long lost friends. It was a beautiful day: one of the most beautiful in recent history, in fact, and the first day that spring had begun to show it’s face to the people of the valley of the year.

But he didn’t notice these things. No. He didn’t notice the natural perfumes of spring swelling around him, enticing him, or the wind spirit that stopped on it’s way northward to watch the two on the hill. No. All he noticed was her.

Serenity lay on the grass, the red tinge of her auburn locks, contrasted with the green of the blades of grass all around. Oh, how he could wrap those locks between his fingers. Her hand was extended upwards, and her finger was tracing pictures that he would never be able to see in the clouds. Oh, how long and elegant they were, like the reaching twig of a pine tree, or the frosty fingers of winter stretching off an awning. How he longed to entwine them in his.

“There’s its ears,” she said, drawing two long oblong triangles at the top of the fluffy cloud that was just now floating overhead, “it’s head,” a smaller oval, “it’s body,” a much larger one just beneath that, “and it’s tail,” a stunted rounded thing at the bottom of its ‘body.’

But he didn’t pay attention to that, no. Instead he paid attention to the way her lips danced one her face like a pair of rose petals afloat in an alabaster sea. Oh, how he wished he could clasp them in his.

And her eyes, oh her eyes. How the clouds were like ships with white, billowy sails on the horizon over a fathomless sea. Oh, how he could get lost in them for the rest of his life.

“Do you see?” She turned her head to face him.

He turned his neck as quickly as he can to face back up at the sky: an ember must have been set just beneath the skin of his cheeks. Oh how they burned!

“Y-yeah.” He lied.

She lay quietly, watching his eyes dart from the sky back to his peripheries.

“Liar.” She said, her voice lilting with a harrumph. “You weren’t paying attention.”

“I was,” he said.

“Prove it. What was the last thing I saw?” ”


Blue Light

Blue Light

Everything started two months ago, I think. The days, after a while, began to bleed together. It’s funny, I Had always had this daydream of running out of my job and making a living writing on the road and here I am, far away from my home in Missouri, overlooking the vastness of the Mojave desert in a run down motel on a stolen laptop typing this out..

As I was saying, this all started about two months ago. I woke up a Tuesday morning the feeling of my brain pounding on the walls of my skull: a feeling that I had grown accustomed to over the last couple of months, a hangover. I had no clue how I made it back home last night, nor what time. I still wore my work attire from the previous day and the strong smell of beer and wine permeated from the collar and pattern of reddish stains dotted the front of my white shirt, wine, I remember telling myself. I pulled off the shirt and went to my medicine cabinet for a couple of painkillers so I could make it through the day without a migraine pounding away the inside of my noggin.

I opened the cabinet and took out three white pills, drinking them quickly and closed it just as quickly. I looked at myself for a bit in the mirror: I had just turned forty, but looked twenty years older. Black circles sagged around my eyes and my hair was thinning and whitening and I had gotten a rather respectable beer gut over the last few years…I sighed, how did my life end up here, I remember thinking to myself. I yawned and rubbed the tiredness from my eyes. When I moved my hand from my face I noticed something in the corner of my mirror: a faint blue light peeping through the curtains in my living room. I kept looking at it for a while longer and decided to go check it out. I turned around and walked towards the curtains where it was peering out through. I opened the large, woolen curtains, and slid open the glass door and stepped out onto my balcony. I looked down onto the parking lot of my apartment complex: people were walking here and there, but nothing that seemed to exhume that bright blue light. I looked across the street to see if some kids perhaps were, in fact, shining a laser into my window, but I could see no one.

I walked back into my house and shrugged and went to get ready for work. I showered and put on cleaner clothes that what I had on and went down the stairs and through the front door.  As I stepped into my car I noticed a small ding on my bumper, I groaned. Had I run into a pole or another car last night? I tried to take good care of my car: a really nice BMW. I’d have to get this fixed…oh well, I thought to myself, another reason to drink tonight, and that made me happy. I clamored into my car and adjusted my mirrors. And there it was again. The blue light. This time it was shining out the window of my apartment. The light seemed to…flicker, I remember telling myself. Like someone holding up a small candle, or as if the light itself blink. But that was ridiculous, I told myself. Must have been a symptom of my migraine. I told myself this thrice and pulled away from my apartment complex and to work.

Now, you see, I lived in a different town that I worked: divided about thirty miles of highway that cut through a forest. It was cheaper to live in the town I lived in, and the job I was at was pretty lucrative. I didn’t mind the thirty minute or so drive. I found that it was helpful to get over any migraines that I might have because of the night before. The drive continued as normal until about halfway through the highway: there was a small commotion up ahead. I saw the red, flashing lights of an ambulance, and the blue and red lights of the police cars before, the blue unsettled me, even though I knew where it was coming from. I shook my head, pushing the unsettling feeling to the back of my mind and was stopped by a man in the middle of the road: a police officer directing traffic to ensure the safety of those working.

When I slowed down and stopped I rolled down my window to ask the officer what was going on.

“Some sick fuck dropped a kids body out here. We got a call about an hour ago about it: some driver by spotted him but he was already dead by the time we got here.” He answered. “Looks like he got hit by a car and was dropped off here later, well that’s my theory.” I remember at that moment that the officer’s voice seemed to bounce off the inside of my skull so I cut the conversation short

“Well, I hope you catch that sicko.” I told him and rolled up my window and went on my way. Probably some reckless driver that killed the kid, I remember thinking to myself.

I rounded the next bend until the accident site was out of sight and checked my rearview and I could have sworn I saw the blue light flickering through the oaks and the pines of the surrounding the area…once again a feeling of unease took over me and I pulled over to vomit on the side of the road. After I got back into the car I checked my rearview and the light was gone. I sighed, it must have been a side effect of my nausea, I told myself. That calmed me a bit, and I felt a bit better after throwing up. It took about twenty more minutes to reach my office building: the offices of a small start up tech company who I won’t mention here, they’re good people and a good business and don’t deserve any trouble my mentioning of them would cause. I went in and took a seat at my desk to begin work.

My job consisted of mainly taking calls from people who were having problems with our program and troubleshooting for them. I didn’t hate it, but I didn’t like it either. Again, I had a dream of packing up and moving and writing for a living, but I never pursued it. Most of my calls were relatively easy that day, with simple solutions like a reinstall, or having them restart the program. Simple things like that. Right after lunch I got a particularly hard call. Nothing I told him seem to work, it seemed to be an actual bug in the program so I had to have him reinstall the program entirely and delete some cookies that would be left on his system . It took about thirty minutes to do overall and I sat in my chair sighing after it was done, waiting for another call. In the meantime my mind wandered to what I was going to do after work: back to the bar, more than likely. The lingering taste of alcohol on my tongue had me savoring it and before I knew it I was craving a drink. My cravings were interrupted by the ringing of my phone. I groaned and sat up straight and put the headphones on and placed the mic next to my mouth and pushed the button to answer the call and…

Nothing. There was nothing. No noise, no one speaking. I had thought that they had accidentally hung up – it happened from time to time  – so I hung up and waited for them to call once again, and sure enough the phone rang almost as soon as I had. I answered once again and this time there was sound…static. It was soft and distant, but it was static, like the white noise you’d hear on those particularly old television sets that had no signal. I shook my head, once more the unsettling feeling from earlier coming back. I wasn’t a believer in the paranormal, however that’s where my mind almost immediately migrated. Perhaps it’s a primal knowledge in humans? I wouldn’t know, nor will I ever.

After this I hung up, and once again the phone immediately started ringing once again. I answered, and static once again. This went on and off for ten more times. Each time the static on the receiver grew louder and louder until I heard a voice on the other end breaking through the white noise with a whisper.

“Hate…Hate…” It repeated itself over and over again. “Hate…Hate….Hate…” It chanted like some dark incantation again and again. I couldn’t bring myself to put down the phone until the chanting had ended and the static was replaced with, “If you like to make a call please hang up and try again…”

I remember feeling the cold sweat drench my collar and my teeth chatter. I wouldn’t doubt if I had whimpered after I had hung up. At this point I could feel the eyes of everyone on the room on me. I put down my headphones and stood up to go to the restroom to calm myself away from my desk when the phone rang once again and I froze.

I froze. That’s all I can say, like a deer caught in a headlight. It took several seconds before I regained my senses and retook my seat. I slid on my headphones and felt a knot rise in my throat I clicked the answer call button once more…and regretted it.

A loud squealing sound: somewhere between a scream and the sound of rubber burning on asphalt shot through the headphones It stunned me momentarily and it, once again, took me several seconds before I ripped off my headphones and threw them to the desk. I’m sure it made some noise but I couldn’t hear it. All I could hear was the ringing in my ears: my left eardrum had burst, I could tell from the trickling of blood down my temples and cheek. Once my hearing came partially back I could still hear the squealing over my headphones and I hung up the call. I sighed. What was happening? I remember asking myself. One last time.

I calmed myself once again, the knot in my stomach growing tighter and tighter. I sighed and sat back up straight. I looked to my computer screen desperately, hoping for no more incoming calls when it went black…And there it was, the blue light. It burned brighter than ever, no longer a candle, no longer a flickering light but now a blue blaze, closer than ever. It shone just outside the office window, hovering several feet above the ground with no discernible source. I could feel the blood rush from my face, from my whole body. I blinked, rubbing my eyes and fell out of my chair…there was the source.

He was young, he didn’t seem to have reach pubescence, the boy in the reflection staring at me with such a hate filled glare, with  his burning blue eye. His hair hung from his pale green scalp like strands of frayed rope. His eyes were as sunken as the dead and his skin was a slight shade of green: the green of rot. The smell of rotting flesh began to permeate from him and filled my nostrils even as I lay down looking at the reflection from the floor, once more the deer in the headlights. And…he began reaching out towards me, purposefully though I could only see him through the small mirror of my monitor I could still the air around me bristle with activity: with pure hate.

That’s when I stood and ran, I tripped over myself and almost fell down the stairs on my way out but before I knew it I was at my car starting the ignition. I checked my rearview out of habit more than anything and once again saw the cursed blue light…shining in my office. That’s when I got an idea, I could out run it! And so that’s what I did. I figured I had enough in savings to outrun this…thing.

I drove and drove, I drove westward and southward, stopping only for sleep, food, gas and to answer nature’s call. Every time I stopped to sleep I had nightmares. Nightmares of squealing wheel and searing pain as my body is dragged underneath several tons of steel and iron and across several dozen yards of gravel. The small stones peeling off skin and biting into nerves as the rubber burned my leg…before my consciousness faded the world stopped. I feel relieved for a few brief seconds before I feel a pair of calloused hands yank me from underneath the black car that had me pinned to the ground and toss me harshly into the leather seat next to him. A smell breaks through my gravel and blood filled nose: the smell of alcohol, of wine and beer. I tried desperately, in my dream, to focus on the one who caused me so much pain. The one who hadn’t said a word of apologies and the one who kept his drink at his mouth. As the car stopped and the interior light shone in the car as he stepped out and grabbed me, once more by the shoulders and yanked my small body I caught a glimpse of him: a fat, balding middle aged man with beer staining the front of his shirt. As he tossed me to the earthy loam on the side of the road my working eye followed him until the yellow lights of his car disappeared and so, instead I stared to the sky. And I felt hate. Strong hate. I focused on that hate until the pale light of the moon and stars faded to black…and the black faded to a bright inferno of hate. A burning blue replacing the black…I stopped sleeping in Idaho and continued west… the blue light following all the way, glowing brighter with each passing day…each passing hour.

I reached a town on the edge of the Mojave desert before my car broke down. I pushed my car to the parking lot of a rather run down motel and checked in. A family was unpacking and while they were all in their room I stealthily stole a laptop bag I had spotted on top of the other bags and went to my room to type this out..

I felt that I had to…that I had to write this out in some sort of redemption for that I had done. That I had to get my story out there somehow, as fantastical as it sound and so I have. I will wait, now, in front of the large mirror that inhabits the restroom of my motel room for him…for my revenant.